Self – Sabotage to Victory

Wow! Earlier in the blogs I shared my feelings on victimization from where I was in my understanding and experience…Now I am sharing with myself the experience of self – sabotage and how I am experiencing it at present.

I have a new life the past 10 years…a new life with support and the freedom to talk out loud without criticism. This is the most helpful tool I have gained, yet I have only imagined and thought it not possible in my previous years. Yes, I suppose taking things to their extemes has been both confusing and helpful in the short haul of life.

The only way to see yourself as a victim is to recognize you are a symptom of life’s experience, rather than a product in the moment. This may see itself as a seed blowing in the wind only to land amiss the healthy soil of life’s intention and confuse the definition.

Now, as a ten year old ( I have actually spent 66 years in this body on the planet thus far), I have thrown myself back into society through the workings of ‘ Spirit through service’ and been driven where it is most likely to thrive. Now this can be understood as a seed in the wind, choice, or ‘destiny’ by way of our Maker.

A seed in the wind – (to me) refers to the times I blew from one place to another, not by choice or not knowingly by Spirit. I had an experience with Spirit at an early age, but not a continuing relationship or marriage.

By choice – meaning my ego choosing to do what it needed to do to learn. There is an underlying determiner (Spirit) but I am only aware of it when I refer back to the experience and it is not a consciously sustaining relationship.

Finally, I must refer to self-sabotage as  – a Father to victimization in the respect that I own everything happening to me as Spirit provides it.

So, not having the ability to fix the things that brought me here, I can only grow.

Growing back into the fold of society renders me vulnerable to myself. Am I able to represent the later portion of my evolution and not resort back to my insecurity and human frailties? The story continues to unfold unto life.

My expression muses itself with others who are needing a presence to allow many ‘me’s’ to evolve unto their own. As I hold the hand I married in Spirit the story writes itself. If I let go of that hand for a second it falls back onto the shoulder of an un-enlightened one and  may fail. Yes, I sit scared at the sight of my path thus far and the strength I know sits with Spirit and nowhere else be found.

Least I glimpse the past and see it as gain as I rise above the love for all,  sending it for Spirit to rain down in the absoluteness of unfolding  glory in understanding to all.

Solus